Monday 2 September 2013.
Well that’s me, a nobody, or that’s how I feel, I have no friends, no life, nothing and it kills me inside and has done all my life and it has affected me in so many ways, both good and bad, mainly bad.
I have always felt the outsider, the one that was always forgotten, when I was like 16 and used to hand around with a group of friends they never asked was I coming to the pub tonight or what did I fancy doing.
I always felt like a hanger-on, I was bullied for the last years of high school for something that was not my fault but I’ll go in to that more later.
As of now I am 37 with 2 sons both about to grow out of their teens and they are all I live for, even though most of the time they treat me like shit and speak to me like shit as all they want is money.
I also have severe mental health problems which makes life harder for me than for what I would call ‘normal’ or everyone else, I suffer with horrendous anxiety and depression and can not cope with pressure at all.
I’m on medication but I suppose it just keeps things ticking over but I do rely on Valium a lot.
I come from a good family, I’m an only child and they say an only child is a lonely child and I’d say there is some truth in that but I also love to go on holiday on my own and enjoy my own company so there is the good and the bad bits of being an only child.
Sometimes I think about ending it all, I couldn’t shoot myself as I live in the UK so we don’t have guns but it gets that bad to where I really feel I can’t cope anymore and want out.